What do you want?

If there is one thing in the world I cannot stand, it is poor communication skills, aka people who beat around the bush. Those who say one thing and then say something completely opposite. Life's too short to not be clear about what you want/need in life or who you are. Hiding or tip toeing around certain matters just because you don't want to face situations or offend the already offended, is worse than an your average compulsive liar.

I can't do that anymore. I used to put on a show for others for the sake of being the "team player".  I'm done with that. People are not as concerned for your mental well being, as you're concerned for theirs. It's sad and tragic. But it's facts. There are those that would rather see you do all the hard work that entails with relationships or team building. They would rather see you suppress your feelings or point out your flaws, then get the same in return. They can dish out all the tests, and all the rules. But never want any of those standards placed on them.

Putting on a show for others to be impressed or make nice with me? Sorry! I am messy, complicated, but I show up. Yes, I'm annoying. But I'm not afraid to own that.  Yes, I'm a too outspoken at times. But at least people know what I do and don't stand for. I'm a 99.9% pain-in-the-you-know-what. But I love the mess out of those I love, and they know I do.

In the movie, the Notebook. Noah confronts Allie when she decides to leave and go back to her fiancé, right after she was with him. He tells her that it's going to be hard, that it's not going to be easy for them to stay together, but he still proceeds to tells her NOT to take the easy way out, which would be a life of convenience with her rich fiancé. To that she replies, "what easy way? There is no easy way. No matter what I do, somebody always gets hurt." Noah replies with, "Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants." Then he asks her, "What do you want?" She gives untruths. Again Noah pleads, "What do you want?" He demands for the fourth time, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

So, reader, what do you want? Whatever it is make sure people know it. Don't sell yourself short of anything less than what you've fought for. It's not wrong and it's not selfish to desire peace & happiness. However, it is wrong and completely selfish to deny yourself those things, while also hurting those who deeply, truly love and cherish you for who you are in your entirety. Those who are not afraid to call you out on your mess. Not just anyone. Those who really know all of you. The good, the sloppy, and everything else in between, those who want you to have all you desire. Never forget those people and never make the mistake of thinking your loved ones are mind readers.

-Neah